Last December, when I filled out the personal statement part of my teacher’s college application, I wrote that it was the emotions involved in teaching which drove me towards the realm of education. As a reading mentor and tutor, I loved witnessing the joy in a child’s face when they mastered a concept they had previously struggled with. And I felt a child’s frustration when they didn’t quite get it. I wanted more of those emotions. However, as a tutor, I would sit with a child for 1 hour, once a week and focus only on their academics. I never created any sort of relationship beyond our objective of completing homework.

Yet, in only a few short weeks, the students in my placement class and I have created a relationship which goes well beyond that of a tutor and their charge. I know how many brothers and sisters the students have, I have learned what they like to do on the weekends, I have witnessed they’re individual learning styles and I have come to understand the realities that some of these children live with.

During the first week of school, there was one child in particular who caught my eye. Every day that week “Sam” came to school with only a small bag of cereal for both snack and lunch; a few times they had a yogurt tube. Although I noticed the situation, I didn’t give it much thought. At times, my own children eat their lunches on the bus ride to school, and I figured Sam had done the same.

Then last Tuesday, Sam brought just two cookies for snack and lunch. Again, I didn’t give it much thought until I saw Sam eat just one cookie and then wrap up the second one ever so gently. The expression on Sam’s face said ‘I really want to eat that cookie, but if I do, I know I’ll have nothing else to eat.’

Like I mentioned earlier, I entered the teaching profession because of the emotions. However I hadn’t even considered these heart-wrenching moments. This situation has rocked me to the core. The very idea that an eight year old lives with such an unimaginable weight on their shoulder, absolutely breaks my heart. It makes me wonder about the other children in the classroom, in the school and in the community - what realities do they live in?

For the past week, I have raked my brain on how I could ‘save’ Sam. I thought I’d bring them lunch every day or even give an anonymous donation of a grocery store gift card to their family. Then on Sunday, as if it was a sign, I read a quote on a friend’s (who happens to be a teacher) wall - “I may not be able to change the world, but I can certainly make a difference’. With that, I have realized that I can’t be Sam’s savior nor I can’t change situations beyond my control. I can however help to create a classroom where Sam and all the other children like them, feel safe and welcomed.

I brought apples that I had picked over the weekend to class yesterday. I didn’t want to direct any attention to Sam, plus every one can benefit from eating a little healthier, so I offered the apples to whole class. A few children ate them including Sam but most of the students were content to eat their own snacks. While this gesture certainly didn’t change Sam’s situation, but I hope that they ate the apple realizing that someone noticed and that someone cares.

As I reflect back on this situation, it only serves to fuel my desire to teach even more. Despite the fact that my tear ducts have all but dried up, I can't wait to get back into the classroom. And if at the end of my teaching career, I have made just one difference in just one child's life, then I'll consider that a job well-done.



Photo source: Poundingheartbeat.com

Just call me Grumpy!

I'm in a bad mood :( I wanted to type something witty and funny; I wanted to make you smile. But three things prevented me that doing that....unions, my school and men/boys (not necessary at the same time nor in that order).

Today, after a week of observations at my placement school, I couldn't wait to get back to my "university" classroom to debrief with my fellow students. Plus, I had spent the past few days describing my week to anyone and everyone who would listen....I needed a new audience.

We (when I say "we", I really mean "me") were having a wonderful discussion about our (my) experiences when all of a sudden the lights flickered, the air became bone-chillingly cold and I had that awful feeling that I was about to be forced to hold a picket sign and keep warm over a burning barrel. My initial thought was that Jimmy Hoffa had been buried underneath my school, and that he was haunting us from his undisclosed grave (crazy I know, but I have one heck of an imagination - just ask me about the movie "I am Legend"). I was relieved to discover that that was not the case, but was equally terrified when I turned to see the local teacher's union rep standing beside me.

These guys are tough. And they mean business. And they definitely do not like school boards or the ministry of education. They pointed fingers accusingly, had booming voices and ranted against "the man" - if I didn't know better I would have thought it was my Grandma saying Christmas grace! But I digress.
"They" successfully sucked the joy right out of the classroom. Apparently every parent, child, principal and school board member is on the sole mission of bringing down and destroying every teacher's career. It's us vs. them. Every single day, of every single year, in every single class there is the ever lurking danger of a false accusation.

I'm not saying that all teachers are perfect, far from it. And yes I agree that every person who works with children (teachers, bus drivers, coaches, etc) should take precautions to protect themselves - don't be alone with a child in a secluded area, don't kiss boo-boos and certainly don't subscribe to "Ilikekiddies.com". But I think its gone a little too far. We were warned not to touch students in anyway (no high fives, no pat on the back, and I'm sure even "props" is considered a no-no). Apparently, I must morph into a cold-hearted machine every time I show up at school. And that’s just no fun.

If the government wants to control the teacher population (Bob Barker?), rather than limiting the number of teachers college spaces, they should make any wanna-be teachers take a visit down to the teacher's federation. That will definitely clear up that pesky problem of enthusiasm.

My second rant is regarding my school. Today, myself and 100 of my fellow students had to haul our butts ALL THE WAY to our school’s main campus - about a 45 minute drive. What pressing issue is so freakin important that it made complete sense to send all those people (and cars) all that way? A lesson on how to set up an email account with the school (which 99% of us already had!) and a tour of the library which none of us will ever use! It’s a freakin university and a liberal one at that, did it not occur to anyone that it would be better for the environment and the mental health of everyone involved to send ONE person, in ONE car to see us???? Man, what the heck is all my tuition dollars paying for? - certainly not higher level thinking (teacher term!) I took a popular toll route (which costs me $15.00 and my firstborn - sorry T, remember mommy loves you) and it still took me 57 minutes!!!!!! GRRRRR!!!!

All together, it amounted to 6 hours of completely wasted time; I could have been at home doing much more productive things, like watching the season premiere of Oprah (trips to Australia for everyone!!!!) Luckily when I got home, I was able to quickly find the peace and solitude only a McDonald's combo and bottle of SWV can bring.

My last complaint has dissipated since I began writing this blog. No need to provide details, I’ll just say it involved lunch bags, open containers of chocolate milk and my 3 younger male roommates (you know who you are!!!!). But after a swig of SWV, and a good ole’ fashion primal scream, I have moved on.

Ahhhh, I feel much better. No longer grumpy - just sleepy. Good night!

Ok, I lied. I said that I wouldn’t torture you with the details of my first classroom activity but I will and I am. Right now. Hey if you don’t like it, leave. It’s my blog and I can bitch if I want to!

I’m not quite sure how to type out the sound you make when you stick out your tongue (I believe the technical term is raspberry), so use your imagination and insert your own sound effects. (Actually, if you go here you’ll hear the sound I’m referring to) Now, while you’re doing that, do a “thumbs down”. And that basically explains how my first activity went. To put it another way….it sucked!

Despite the fact that I could tell (and have told) 72 “high energy” children to sit down, be quiet and enjoy the ride while travelling at 100km/hour along the DVP…..during rush hour traffic… on a Friday….. before a long weekend, the idea of leading 14 grade 3’s through a simply energizer game scared the crap out of me! And before I go any further, I need to say that, yes, I am 100% aware of the fact that hell would have to freeze over before anyone could do 100km/hour on the DVP on a Friday before a long weekend - it’s just not possible. I was just trying to make a point. Anyways……

I was so nervous and so apprehensive about the whole thing, that I totally forgot everything I had mentally prepared the night before. There was no modeling of expected behavior; the rules were not clearly explained, they basically stared at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. Actually, this is probably what they heard….. click here In a nutshell, I asked a grade 3/4 class to do something they had never, ever done before….I asked them to line up…..according to….(this is meant to build excitement)….their age….youngest (can you feel the drama)….to….oldest!!!!!!! OMG!!!! I am a horrible, horrible student teacher! And they just couldn’t do it. (Go here to hear the appropriate sound effect)

In the end, I threw in the proverbial towel and called it quits. My MT had to step in and help me out. They stepped in with such grace, dignity and control! I was in complete awe! Granted they have been teaching for almost 10 years, and in the teaching industry, experience is absolutely priceless.

Anywhoo….with my first disastrous activity under my belt I was able to move forward. Since Wednesday, I have played several successful games with the students. I was calm, I was cool, I was the stupid, fun Jenn many of you have come to love and put up with! Have a fabulous weekend!

First day jitters

Well I survived. Even better, I think I flourished (as well as someone can given the situation). My outfit was perfect (a nice dress from Marks, business but functional), my questions were inquisitive but not annoying and I brought a gift for my mentor teacher (MT) (a 6 pack of tissue boxes).

I think I made a good first impression. My MT did introduce me as "Mrs. Groth" but that was fixed by the end of the day. I'm thinking I'll go by "Mrs. G". Sounds cool and kids can't turn it into "Mrs. Gross" - a definite sign of dislike amongst the students!

So what did I do all day you ask? Basically I sat back and observed MT for the day. MT seems like a laid back teacher, doesn't let stuff get to them. I felt a little like a lost puppy, but what else am I suppose to do? Kick MT aside and start teaching. It is only the first day, I'll save that sort of activity until at least Thursday!

The one thing I noticed was the difference between the theory I'll learn in teachers college and the realities of the classroom. It's all fine and dandy to "teacher talk" till the cows come home, but realistically the kids will run you over. They're only 8-9 years old but they'll eat you alive if you let them! There is definitely a fine line between enforcing the rules/expectations and being considered a hard ass.

Tomorrow, I get to do an "energizer" activity with the kids. I'm going to do two games, one called "That's me" and the other one is called "Line em'up". I'll spare you the details, but will let you know how it went. Fingers crossed that none of the kids boo me and call me Mrs. Gross!

Plan of attack

Yesterday I worried that I won’t be strong enough to survive the stress which is sure to occur over the next year. After some deep reflection, fueled mostly by a glass of strawberry wild vines, I realized that there isn’t a darn thing I can do to change the situation - so why worry.

Experts say that in a drowning situation, the worse thing to do is to panic. Flapping your arms, kicking wildly and screaming bloody murder only makes matters worse, and you’ll sink faster than a rock! Instead ‘they’ insist that to increase your chances of making it out alive, you must remain calm. In doing so, your survival instincts kick in and guide your survival. So I'm taking their advice. Rather than let the tsunami of stress swallow me whole, I'm going to calmly go with the flow. But first I need a plan of attack.

Today, when I was heading out to do some errands, I noticed quite a few women outside running, cycling, or just quietly enjoying the crisp fall air. And as I rushed around trying to get stuff done before the stores close for one whole day (GASP! A day without shopping, the world is going to end!!!!), I began to think about those women. They can't be that different from me. They probably have demanding jobs, families and schedules. Yet each one of them was able to find the time to do something they enjoy. So, the first part of my plan is to make sure I get some sort of "me" time in every single day. Whether it's a long soak in the tub, an hour of mind-numbing t.v. watching or a trip to the gym, I'm going to insist on that time.

The second, yet more difficult part of my plan is to "let go". My usual standards of cleanliness will have to be lowered. The 5 second rule will no longer apply to my house. From now on, if a cookie falls on the ground I'm just going to push aside and hope that one of the dust bunnies living under the couch picks it up. Rather than having a designated laundry day, I'll be encouraging my children to follow the "sniff it to see if its still good" rule. Teacher's college is only a one year program, the house can't get that dirty?????

I'll also have to learn to let go in the school department. As some of you might remember, I like to work on essays and assignments for hours, days, even weeks. However, due to the time constraints posed in teacher's college, I'll have to learn to give it my best shot the first time around. Unless I can somehow get through the next year on a few hours of sleep....hey, that might just work.

The Tsunami

I happen to believe that I have a great sense of humor. Some of you may disagree (you obviously have not been around me after a couple of glasses of wild vines....good times), but hopefully most of you concur. Yet, after just one week of teacher's college, I feel like the funny has been sucked right out of me. I'm beat, worn down and totally done. If I didn't want to be a teacher so freakin bad, I'd throw in the towel!

For the past 3 years, while I worked on my undergrad, I never had a moment where I wanted to quit. Ok, well I might have had that thought at 3 am while working on an essay, but never within the first week of school. I couldn't wait to start learning and thinking. It frightens me that I was dreading teacher's college by day three.

My fellow students appear to be so much more in control. They nod in agreement when the profs say things like "metacognitive learning is a vital aspect of childhood education." My response....an embarrassing snort! On Tuesday, we were split into smaller groups to create a team cheer. While my colleagues choreographed a song and dance to Beyonce' "Single Ladies", I hit the proverbial brick wall. I couldn't even write down the words without shaking and I misspelled several words. I need to get my shit together and fast!

For the past 5 days, everyone who knows a thing or two about the faculty of Ed. program (i.e. professors, grads, the nice lady at the Timmies next to my school) would not shut up about how intense the program is. They also highly recommended that I say goodbyes now cause I won't be seeing any friends and family until at least Easter. They handed me the syllabus on Monday and after reading it over, I though 'gee, it's a lot of work but if I budget my time properly it is manageable.' Then I found out that this was the syllabus for only one of the SIX classes I've enrolled in. WTF?!?!?! To make us feel better, the professors quietly added that we (the pathetic students) were also responsible for submitting lesson plans and reflective journals every Friday. OMG!!!

I feel as if there is a tsunami heading straight for me and there isn't a darn thing I can do to stop it. My only chance for survival is to be 100% totally organized. So I've organized my binder, filled in my calendar and loaded up my Timmies quick-pay card; basically everything I think I can do to prepare. But will it be enough? Will I be strong enough to survive the metaphoric waves? Or will I just let them pull me under? I guess only time will tell.