5 truths in life

You've heard the saying "nothing is certain but death and taxes", right? Well I call bullshit!  Upon closer examination, there is actually a very long list of inevitable truths in life.  For your reading pleasure, and like any good OCD sufferer, I have complied a list of said truths.

5 truths in life

1) The Maple Leafs will never, ever win a cup.  Plain and simple. Its just not going to happen.  There should be a mass email sent out to all Leaf fans, stating that while we are still expected to re-mortgage our houses to watch a live game, and that at the beginning of every season we'll be given a glimpse of playoff hopes; there will never ever be a Stanley cup parade in T.O.   So go ahead and wear your Leaf gear proudly, but do so at your own risk - its a clear indication that you suffer from a debilitating mental illness and you may be committed to the loony bin!

2) The rich will get richer.  And don't be fooled by heartwarming stories on the Biography channel on how they faced insurmountable odds and pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. LIES!  They got filthy, stinking rich off the back-breaking work that you and I do...all day....every day....for the rest of our miserable lives.  Happy smiles!


3) Canadians will always bitch about the weather.  Its too cold...bitch, bitch, bitch.  Its too hot....waa,waa, waa.  Even with global warming and the non-existent winter we had this year, the weather was still the centre of so many conversations.  It's never good enough for those of us up in the far north.  But I can't really say anything, cause I am, embarrassingly, one of the biggest babies when it comes to Canadian weather.  But seriously, I want to wear caprice!

4) Gas prices will always go up.  Next to the weather, Canadians love nothing more than complaining about gas prices. "We are a major producer of the world's oil supplies." BOO HOO"The oil companies are just a bunch of greedy pigs (see #2)".  Blah, blah, blah.  If you don't like the price of gas, sell your 5 ton SUV and walk everywhere.  Not possible? Well, suck it up than baby, cause gas prices always goes up.  Its simple physics.

5) Every single one of us will have a moment at some point in our lives that when we look in the mirror, we think "How the F*CK did that happen?"  And I not just talking about the physically transformation that occurs as we you age.  No, I'm also talking about that moment when you look at your kids as they're beating the crap out of each other, your spouse is wearing jogging pants and a "who farted?" shirt, you're seriously considering subscribing to the "Jam of the Month" Club and you ask yourself "how did my life become so boring without me noticing?"   Its inevitable, we grow up, we get boring.  Its like the PB & J of life - adulthood and mind numbing boringness go hand in hand. But I say SCREW responsibility and live life dangerously!  Buy a motorcycle.  Eat kangaroo (tastes like chicken).  Wear cotton instead of polyester. Let go and live on the wild side!

Now if you please excuse me, like any good Canadian, I have a Timmies date with a good friend to bitch about the leafs, gas prices, and how bloody cold it has been lately.